Both are doing a lot better now, but my attempts at moving (starting in FEBRUARY) suffered numerous delays, especially when my late grandmother's house was being sold and my mom panicked and bought about 20 percent of all grandma's furniture. I moved out of the apartment back in May, a few months after mom formally requested my help with taking care of her older sister, who was about to go through leg surgery. I feel like I lost a year of my life to depression, a year that I'm never getting back, so all I can do is move forward. Just waste my time with games, movies, cartoons, crap on Youtube. So, what have I been doing? I was hoping to have something, whether a personal project, maybe dabbling with 3D models, or just give a better idea of the kind of future I want, but in the end I made nothing. So I just won't say anything more about them.
To say I am pissed at humanity, is such an extreme understatement, I can't find the proper words. So, no, I haven't been paying much attention to what has been going on with the world in 2021. In my car, I only listen to my personal music collection, or watch videos I hand picked, absolutely no radio. Every time I walk through the living room while family is watching news on TV, I try to ignore it, mumble to myself without making a scene, and hurry back to my room or out the door then my brain automatically suppresses whatever garbage I heard. I shut out the news, only allowing weather forecasts, and reports relevant to video games, filtered through a handful of Youtube channels. Even there, I refuse to talk about the real world. I went nearly silent, only talking to close friends and occasionally chatting in clubs on Second Life. I forced myself to follow the old rule "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," and it worked TOO well. Every time I felt like trying, everything from 2020 came rushing back into my head like a tidal wave. I put off making a new journal entry for a year.
I'm alive, but I feel like part of me is long dead: my faith in humanity.
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